don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
