i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
