This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
