Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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