He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
