mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
