i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
