I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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