oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
