$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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