So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
