All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
