I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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