i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize