Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
