I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
