she was so not down for the gang bang
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
