Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
