Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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