p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
