Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do vagina's smell?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
