So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
