Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize