You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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