i think my tv is drunk
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
