Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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