Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
