You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
