so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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