I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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