are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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