based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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