I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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