Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we're making bets on your personal life
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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