I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
