How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
