i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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