honey bunches of taint.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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