The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!