My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
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Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.