apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
