And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Wonâ€™t Believe
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?