New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
