hotel room ftw
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
