The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You don't make any sense
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