I cannot find my penis.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
