hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
