My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
