paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
