So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
