i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Quick, to the slutcave!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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