Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's blow job season.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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