i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
