It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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