it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
