Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize