It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
