New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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