either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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