My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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