he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap