he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
