We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
