your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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