I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Someone shattered a urinal.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
