Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
