Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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