Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
