I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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