you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
