Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
