i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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