im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
