My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
