I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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