WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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