Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
