I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
